Must-See Turning 40 Movie: City Slickers

I re-watched City Slickers last night and must recommend it to everyone who's turning 40. Billy Crystal is the everyman - he has a nice life, but is in a bit of a rut: he's not satisfied at work and he's feeling the pressures of family life (funding tuitions and visiting the in-laws) more than the enjoyment. Bruno Kirby is the ladies' man who just married a much-younger lingerie model and Daniel Stern is going through a contentious divorce. As they approach 40, they're all looking for answers in their lives.

And so they go on a cattle drive and as the back of the DVD probably says, hilarity ensues. City Slickers may be the little seed that set all these Fabulous 40th Birthdays in motion -- the cultural image that suggested this is what you should do when you're approaching 40: round up your best friends and do something big!!

The movie is filled with great quotes and a few "before they were stars" moments, like a young Jake Gyllenhal playing Crystal's son.

But the moral of the whole movie is about figuring out what you want out of life. And as we approach 40, I think a lot of us think about it -- what is it? This was the exchange between Billy Crystal's character, Mitch, and Jack Palance's leathered cowboy character, Curly:

Curly: Do you know what the secret of life is?
[holds up one finger]
Curly: This.
Mitch: Your finger?
Curly: One thing. Just one thing. You stick to that and the rest don't mean shit.
Mitch: But, what is the "one thing?"
Curly: [smiles] That's what *you* have to find out.

City Slickers shows us that the answer is sometimes a lot less complicated than we think...but getting away from it all can help you figure it out.





image #1: www.theage.com.au/.../10/12/1160246252383.html

Celebrate Tara!

On Saturday night, the whole family assembled in Westchester for my cousin Tara's 40th birthday party: it was a wonderful celebration of a thoughtful, generous, inclusive, fun person.

Put succinctly, Tara is good company. A big party, camping out, a wedding, dinner and a movie, hanging out with the kids, taking a trip - Tara's there and she's really there. Unlike some people I know, myself included, she's always really present, in the moment, and in tune with the people around her. So it was fun on Saturday night to see so many people present for her.

The party was at her sister and brother-in-law's house, which looked like a home from a Nancy Meyers movie (It's Complicated, Something's Gotta Give). When we pulled up, the house was simply glowing - fireplaces beckoned from the inside and a path of luminarias led to the double doors. (I took a picture, but it does not do it justice at all.)



Food was abundant and delicious - passed hors d'ouevres and a great buffet in the dining room. Her youngest sister did a great job of snapping photos all night and had put together a video celebrating four decades of Tara! I always complain to Tara that I never make it into any of her Facebook photo albums, so I wasn't expecting much - but lo and behold, I made it into two photos! See me here in the background...


After the video, Tara's mom organized the group toast. Guests had been asked in advance to contribute an anecdote or single line to "Forty Reasons We Love Tara." Each quote, numbered 1 through 40, was put on an index card and sprinkled among the party guests, who took turns reading them aloud. Everyone crowded into the movie set kitchen to hear and applaud each toast.



I didn't know it then, but if I had, I would have added to the birthday quotes that there is actually a Goddess Tara, the goddess of Peace and Protection, known for her compassion,which seems so fitting for our Tara.

At the end, a few words from the birthday girl, and the party really got going! We had an early morning the next day, so we headed out, but not before taking these photos of the birthday gal. If this is what 40 looks like, I'll take it!

Guest Blogger: The Runaway 40 Year-Old

My Fabulous 40th Birthday isn't meant to be a monologue. It's a collective conversation among all of us turning 40, which is why I am so thrilled that my friend Ana has agreed to share her story with us today.

Ana is one of my college roommates and most treasured friends. She started writing this on Friday night, the eve of her 40th birthday, and finished it up over the weekend. Thanks for sharing and Happy Fabulous 40th Birthday. xo






I am perhaps one of the most technically unsavvy 39 year-olds on this planet and never thought I would be blogging, but then again, there are many things I never thought I would do. For instance, I never thought I would be the kind of person to have a mid-life crisis (affectionately referred to among my inner circle as MLC) but here I am on the eve of my 40th birthday in the midst of doing exactly that.

Unlike KC who seems to be embracing her 40th, I have been edging slowly forward, kicking and screaming. Partly because, as has already been pointed out on this blog, I don't feel forty inside. I have been known to wail at my children, "I can be a lot of fun!" I can't possibly be forty. There is no way I have spent five decades on this planet. I refuse to believe it. That denial is what fuels the MLC. How can my life be half over when I haven't even done anything worthwhile yet?

And so, I ran away.

I packed up my husband and four children (ages 4-11), sent our dog to live with my in-laws and moved to Europe. That was six months ago. We are still here. My friends and family congratulate me on giving my children a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity but the truth is, I did it for me. After spending more than a decade putting everyone else first I did something just because I wanted to, and I made everyone else come along for the ride. I thought it would be fun. Besides, 40 year-olds don't do selfish, spontaneous things like move to Europe so that couldn't possibly be me, right?

We have been on quite an adventure...we've been learning Spanish in Madrid. We've been to Marrakesh and spent time trekking in the Atlas mountains. We've been to the village of Valbonne in the south of France and celebrated Halloween with a friend of mine from high school and her family. We've been skiing in the Austrian alps in the tiny village of Lech. We've been to Salzburg, Vienna and Linz. We've been to Prague and the Nazi camp at Terezin. We've been to Rome and Sicily....my daughter and I are going to Paris next week.

Will my children remember all of this? I'm not sure. If they remember the magnitude of the Coliseum or the opera we saw in Vienna or the taste of the Linzer torte or the Velasquez paintings at the Prado or how cold we were at Terezin even with our North Face parkas or the view from the amphitheater in Taormina or the smell of the spices we bought in the souk during our cooking class in Marrakesh then perhaps that will be enough to lead them back when they are older and encourage them to seek out new places to visit.

Even though I did it for me, I hope they have gotten more out of my MLC than if I had bought myself a Ferrari. What have I gotten out of it? Time away from my "real" life to figure out what is worthwhile and what it is I want to spend my next 40 years doing so I don't look back at 80 and not have an answer to that same question.

SURPRISE! In the midst of writing this three of my friends from home and their husbands have flown over and surprised me for my birthday. What an amazing birthday present.

Yes, I do plan on going home but in the meantime we have a few more things to do before we leave. I think I'll start by going dancing with my girlfriends until 4am just like I did when I was in my twenties.

Outrageous 40th Birthday Wish #2: India Hicks' House

As you may recall, Outrageous 40th Birthday Wish #1 was Peace - not world peace, just a peaceful household. But if that doesn't work out and the rot gut takes hold, I have a PLAN B...and that's where Outrageous 40th Birthday Wish #2 comes in: rent India Hicks' house on Harbour Island in the Bahamas.

For years, I have had my eye on this house -- actually two homes: The Cricket Pavilion, which sleeps four and rents for $5400 per week, and The Guest House at Hibiscus Hill, which sleeps eight and rents for $9100. The rental description says that you can "throw an ice cube from the deck and hit the beach."

The interiors are clean, white, and breezy, with beachy touches like palm trees and old globes and white painted birdcages. Photos show plentiful fresh fruit, inviting outdoor eating spaces, an alluring path down to the private beach. I've clipped every image over the years and put it in my "style file."

I think I'm sucked into the whole India Hicks lifestyle. You know who she is, right? The willowy blonde with the year-round tan (and no wrinkles to pay for it), former model, interior designer, Top Design judge? She's been sharing her island lifestyle with magazines for so many years that Crabtree & Evelyn finally turned it into a product line: India Hicks Island Living.

I think part of me imagines that booking a vacation at India's house will miraculously transform my winter white skin to a buttery caramel color, and send all by troubles packing as I mindlessly throw ice cubes at the sand. I'll eat bananas, and sip coconut milk from the shell, wearing a wide brimmed straw hat, gazing at the sea, without a care in the world. I may also finally get my much needed inspiration and write a novel during this fantasy vacation week. (Lesson learned: if you're ever renting out your home, ask a beautiful model to pose for pictures in it and have them taken by a fashion photographer.)

Of the two homes, The Cricket Pavilion is the one I think might work out best. They don't allow children to stay there. As I said, I think this is the one that might work out best.

It's an Outrageous 40th Birthday Wish...but who knows, it just might come true (some of it, anyway.)

The 4-oh! Becomes 4-ah!: Spa Party

Around this time two years ago, I got a late night call from my friend, L. Now, I'm not a late night phone call kind of person; if the phone rings past 9:30, or truthfully, some nights past 7:30, I do not feel like talking. But boy, was I glad I took this call...

L. was inviting me to join her and two other friends for an entire week at Cal-a-Vie spa to celebrate her 40th birthday...her treat. She knew it was a lot to ask, she said, but could I possibly leave work and two little kids and freezing cold New York for a week? How fast would you say yes, yes, yes!?

In late January, I flew to San Diego. Along the way, I be-friended a really nice woman, Meg, who was wedged next to a couple with a brand new baby...I had an empty seat next to me and invited her to take it. It turned out that we knew a bunch of people in common (namely my mother) and she was also going on a birthday spa trip (at a different spa) being hosted by a friend. We had a blast chatting away and helping each other with bawdy poems we were writing for our respective birthday girls. I was already feeling very carefree and relaxed and I wasn't even at the spa yet!

Meg and I parted ways and I hopped in the car to Cal-a-Vie, where I met up with L. and the two other lucky ducks there to help her celebrate. We were each friends with L., but didn't know each other well at all. By that evening, as we consumed our spa contraband - L.'s favorite champagne and chocolate in the shape of "40" from the fabulous Lilac candy store, read toasts and poems, and gave little gifts to our hostess, I felt like I had known all three women forever.

Here was our routine:

Morning:
We all had our own beautiful rooms and woke up around 6 every morning for a hike around the grounds. After trying this the first morning, this proved too hilly, fast, and strenuous for me, so from there on out, I joined the older ladies at Cal-a-Vie for some speed-walking around the local golf course.

Next: Healthy breakfast with the rest of the people staying for the week, about 30 of us in total. We had heard that many celebrities go to Cal-a-Vie, but there were none there that week. The group dynamic and general environment was one part reality show, one part summer camp, and one part rehab.

In the morning, you attended three fitness classes, with a little break in between for some hot vegetable juice and carrot sticks. You'd think that would run right through you or at least give you a major cramp as you're trying to Zumba or maneuver giant hula hoops, but it actually does not.

Afternoon:

After lunch, it's a COMPLETE AFTERNOON OF SPA TREATMENTS - SOMETHING LIKE A TOTAL OF 17 TREATMENTS OVER THE COURSE OF THE WEEK. You're never sore from all the exercise because you're constantly massaged. It was pure heaven!

Evening:

Evenings begin with hors d'ouevre -- singular, not plural, because there is only one for each person. Dinner was again, healthy - who knew you could make chocolate pudding out of Tofu and cocoa powder? And the seat jockeying rivaled any middle school cafeteria at lunchtime. The four of us liked to stick together, and we liked sitting with the two friends from Texas or the unlikely sisters or the mother-college-aged daughter duo. We didn't like sitting with the pessimistic Brit who was apparently quite a success at work, but wasn't impressing anyone at Cal-a-vie.

Sometimes we tried to watch a movie, but mostly, we tumbled into bed early...and started all over again the next day. We did this for seven days until the final day, when they weighed and measured us (they had done this when we checked in.) Somehow, surprisingly given the fact that the girls had given me the chocolate "40" and I'd gnawed off a little bit of it each night, I lost 2 1/2 pounds and 8 inches, but (here comes the corny part) I gained so much -- new friends, a lot of laughs with my good friend L., a renewed interest in getting in shape and eating healthy, and a great mental break away from it all.

Cal-a-vie is top notch and this was an over-the-top experience, but regardless of the budget, I highly recommend a 40th Spa Weekend!!



photos above - Life.com, Cal-a-Vie.com

Hanging Ten on Your Fortieth

Well, so far the road to 40 has been paved with Kleenex and cough drops.

Everyone I know seems to have gotten some version of "the cough." This is the cough that lasts for weeks and weeks and weeks...I now think I've cracked a rib from coughing so hard. I'm hobbling around, afraid to cough, because I know it's going to hurt like heck...




As a distraction, I'm thinking about possible 40th birthday trips that I could take with my college friends. One idea we talked about was Surf School, where we'd take on a physical and(for some of us,okay, me)psychological challenge. I started to browse some possibilities today. This link from www.girlgetaways.com/articles/2008/fall/surf_camps_101 lists five fantastic ones worth checking out, at the very least for inspiration.

But if your birthday budget doesn't allow for a trip to Bali, you can still pull off a Surf School Celebration. Surf lessons are available up and down both coasts, so you could easily do this on a weekend, putting together a morning group lesson with lunch, manicures/pedicures, a festive dinner, and a stay at a local hotel. Stay at a really nice hotel and I'm sure their concierge could arrange it all.

What do you think? Is this something you'd want to do to celebrate your 40th?

39th Birthday at Sweetiepie

Last night, we had a sweet celebration at Sweetiepie (http://www.sweetiepierestaurant.com/). This is a wonderful, fanciful restaurant that opened in Greenwich Village late last year. It's the perfect place for kids and grown-ups to enjoy together. We sat in the birdcage (see the picture below), complete with a candelabra and crayons in a silver dish for the girls. I'm not sure there's anyplace else that you can enjoy a glass of champagne and a ladies' lunch-type of salad while the kids enjoy spaghetti & meatballs or a hamburger, both of which got the nod from my picky crew. And of course, we all saved room for what Sweetiepie does best...dessert!

This would be a terrific spot for a 40th birthday party! You can have a private party for 40 in the back room, or use the whole space for a cocktail party for 100. A real gem.

(All photos from Sweetiepie's website)

12 Months to the big 4-oh!

Today is my 39th birthday - and with the exception of being on week six of a cough/cold combo and stubbing my toe rather spectacularly this morning -- I couldn't be happier.

Facebook http://www.facebook.com definitely makes for better birthdays. By 9 o'clock this morning I had at least forty fabulous birthday wishes. I love it!

I also decided to take the day off -- I did it last year too and I've gotta tell you it beats cupcakes in the conference room, hands down. Not that I didn't appreciate the cupcakes, it's just so forced - "um, could you come into the conference room? Mary needs you for a minute..." "Surprise!" (although for the person reading this who gave me cupcakes yesterday, you did it in a very laid back way and I loved it.)

It's a rainy day, my favorite kind for staying home and puttering. I don't know about you, but I find that I am rarely alone in my own home...and I'm so happy! I'm hoping to finally recover from this cough/cold.

I had a dream last night that my college friends and I went to Greece for our collective 40th birthdays. I was standing on a chaise lounge yelling, "I love Greece!" when a piece of feta cheese slipped out of my hands into the pool. Dreams are weird, but telling. My friends and I are trying to decide on a trip to celebrate our birthdays together. Have any great ideas?